He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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