you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
