After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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