i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
