I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
