Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
