why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
