Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
