There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I have feelings that need drinking.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
