My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
