and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
