U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
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I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
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But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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