I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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