You really coming over, don't trick.
Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
