she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
