no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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