My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
