All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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