Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
