I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
