Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
