Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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