It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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