I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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