He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
