I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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