I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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