Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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