Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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