you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
