i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My vagina just clenched in fear
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