we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
