Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
