I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
