he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
