proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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