Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
