Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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