Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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