this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
