I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
