1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
