i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
