Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
