in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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