I forgot how hot balto sounded
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
