What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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