How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
