i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Shame - the story of my life.
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