at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
