Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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