I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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