before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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