I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Don't tell me you're on acid again
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
