I want to stick my p in your. b.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
