then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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