JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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