Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
