when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
im holly from the hills drunk
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
