remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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