I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
