Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
