she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
