The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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