His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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