It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
