Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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