Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
