Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
