Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
