marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize